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The Takeout
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News

  • 13-Year-Old Invents Healthy Lollipop And Becomes Millionaire, Types Takeout Writer Still Pantsless At 11:40 A.m.

    By Allison Shoemaker June 28th, 2018 Read More
  • Survey Shows Which States Have Most Fast-Food Joints, Per Capita

    By Gwen Ihnat June 28th, 2018 Read More
  • Fitness Center Lures Customers With Free Pizza

    By Kate Bernot June 28th, 2018 Read More
  • Cheez Balls' Pop-Top Nostalgia To Hit Shelves Again

    By Gwen Ihnat June 28th, 2018 Read More
  • This Month In Overturned Trucks: Chickens, Yogurt, Potatoes, Millions Of Bees

    By Kate Bernot June 27th, 2018 Read More
  • Okay, Who Voted For A Birthday Cake-Flavored Auntie Anne's Pretzel? Declare Yourselves

    By Allison Shoemaker June 27th, 2018 Read More
  • How Ordering An "angel Shot" Might Help You Escape A Bad Date

    By Gwen Ihnat June 27th, 2018 Read More
  • Channing Tatum's New Vodka Sadly Not Named Magic Vodka XXL Or 21 Drink Street

    By Allison Shoemaker June 27th, 2018 Read More
  • Burger King Resurrects "whazzzzzaaaaaaaaaaap," A Crime We Can Never Forgive

    By Allison Shoemaker June 27th, 2018 Read More
  • Doughnut-Nabbing Squirrel Also Ready To Steal Pizza Rat's Mantle

    By Gwen Ihnat June 27th, 2018 Read More
  • French Butchers Demand Protection From "terrorism" Of Vegan Attacks

    By Kate Bernot June 27th, 2018 Read More
  • Is Cottage Cheese Making A Comeback?

    By Gwen Ihnat June 27th, 2018 Read More
  • Beck's Debuts Champagne Flute-Shaped Can To Make Its Beer Classy

    By Kate Bernot June 27th, 2018 Read More
  • The Following Foods Are Unacceptable On An Airplane

    By Kate Bernot June 26th, 2018 Read More
  • A Dunkin' Donuts Offered Free Food To Anyone Who Reported Staff Not Speaking English 

    By Gwen Ihnat June 26th, 2018 Read More
  • Italian-American Group Offended By Staten Island Pizza Rats Baseball Team

    By Kate Bernot June 26th, 2018 Read More
  • Marshmallow Test shows Gen Z Is More Patient Than Gen X 

    By Gwen Ihnat June 26th, 2018 Read More
  • Want To Enjoy Your Food More? Eat It Upside Down, Or Something

    By Kate Bernot June 26th, 2018 Read More
  • Starbucks Blames Healthy Eating For Slide In Frappuccino Sales

    By Gwen Ihnat June 26th, 2018 Read More
  • Bread Winner: Single Dudes Are Instagramming Sourdough Now

    By Kate Bernot June 26th, 2018 Read More
  • How Dairy Queen Conquered America In One Fell Scoop

    By Shannon Nico Shreibak June 25th, 2018 Read More
  • Listen To An Orchestra Of Instruments Made Out Of Vegetables

    By Gwen Ihnat June 25th, 2018 Read More
  • 60,000 Sheep Hanging Out In Australian Feed Lot After Feds Revoked Baaaad Exporter's License

    By Kate Bernot June 25th, 2018 Read More
  • This Tick's Bite Causes Red Meat Allergies—and It's Spreading

    By Kate Bernot June 25th, 2018 Read More
  • Anthony Bourdain's Toxicology Report Shows No Sign Of Narcotics

    By Gwen Ihnat June 25th, 2018 Read More
  • Treat Yourself To An Egg Cup Ya Fancy Bastard

    By Grace Perry June 25th, 2018 Read More
  • Group Urges Repeal Of Trump Hotel Liquor License For Lack Of "good Character"

    By Gwen Ihnat June 22nd, 2018 Read More
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