Aldi Sundae Shoppe Bubble Gum And Cotton Candy Popsicles: 'I Would Not Recommend Them To My Worst Enemy'

Here at The Takeout, we all have our particular specialties. I'm the resident Aldi expert since I'm the only one who shops there on a regular basis. Most of the time, I enjoy the role — I had fun picking out some of my favorites as must-buy Aldi items for first-time customers and I also loved researching Aldi candies and chocolates you should know about. Other times, however, it gets a little rough out there in those Aisle of Shame trenches. On a recent trip to Aldi, I spotted something really rather frightening: Sundae Shoppe popsicles in Cotton Candy and Bubble Gum flavors. What marketing genius decided that was a good idea? Unexcited as I was to try them, I knew I'd have to suck it up in the name of investigative journalism.

Admittedly, this piece isn't strictly intended to inform potential consumers about the product since if you're purchasing these popsicles, you probably already have a pretty good idea what you're in for. The reason for my review is more to provide some schadenfreude-related entertainment — I tried them so you didn't have to. Don't feel too guilty for laughing at my pain, since I understand how it goes. In fact, I once snickered through a lengthy series of blog posts by someone who read the entire "Twilight" series for much the same reasons. The comparison is actually pretty apt, since these popsicles are basically the sparkly vampires of the food world. (Spoiler: Just like vampires, they suck.)

Every week, I go through the Upcoming Finds section of the Aldi website to determine what's new and noteworthy. While the Sundae Shoppe Cotton Candy and Bubble Gum Popsicles were listed as an item that would be available on August 12, I spotted them in stores a few days earlier. At first, I tried to ignore them, but when one of my editors mentioned that they'd been trending online, I sighed, held my nose, and bought one box of each.

Despite the fact that other people are apparently out there purchasing these products and plastering them all over their socials, I declined to look at any of their posts. If anyone actually enjoys them, I find that a little scary, so frankly, I'd rather not know. Plus, I don't want anyone else's opinion or words creeping into my review. What you get here is my 100% unbiased opinion. Okay, slightly biased since I did have some preconceptions about these products, but they were entirely my own. 

Ugh, bubble gum flavor. Why??? The taste is certainly not the gum's selling point. Years ago, I tasted bubble gum ice cream, and it was, as expected, not good. More recently, I had a bubble gum-filled chocolate bar manufactured by the Polish candy company E. Wedel, and it, too, was terrible. I imagined that water-based popsicles might be a better vehicle for bubble gum flavor, but I couldn't have been more wrong. Or right, but not in a good way. They certainly carried the flavor better, but the flavor itself was awful.

After delaying the inevitable as long as I could, I unwrapped the popsicle and was somewhat disconcerted by its coloring. I mean, I already knew it would be blue from the box, but there's something wrong about eating bubble gum-flavored anything that isn't pink. The real issue, however, was the fact that the Sundae Shoppe Bubble Gum Popsicle was the worst frozen dessert I'd ever eaten. It started off with the taste of sugar and chemicals, and a strong bubble gum flavor kicked in on the back end. Halfway through the popsicle, it inexplicably started tasting of bananas as well. Disgusting fake bananas, that is. 

Zero stars. Negative ones, in fact. I would not recommend them to my worst enemy. One thing I will say about these popsicles, though: They would not make the list of most underwhelming items on Aldi shelves, since they weren't underwhelming in the slightest. Instead, they overwhelmed in the worst possible way, leaving a bad taste in my mouth (quite literally) that lingered for hours.

Aldi seems to be betting heavily on cotton candy flavoring's popularity since the grocery chain also offers cotton candy muffins, yogurt, and frozen cotton candy grapes. (The grapes, at least, are natural, even if they do taste like the iconic sweet.) I'm actually a cotton candy fan, too, so I had hopes that the Sundae Shoppe Cotton Candy Popsicles would be better than the bubble gum ones. Well, I will say they were an improvement, but the bar was already so low it was practically subterranean.

Since the cotton candy popsicles were pink, there was no disconnect between flavor and appearance, unlike the bubble gum ones. They didn't taste especially cotton candy-like, though, since the overall impression was just sweetness and pinkness. Eventually I detected faint caramelized sugar notes, but there were also slight overtones of plastic. There was none of the vanilla flavor found in real cotton candy. At least I was able to get through this bar a lot quicker than its baby-blue counterpart. The bubble gum flavor was a real struggle, but the cotton candy one was somewhat less terrible. One star, still don't recommend, but definitely the lesser of two evils.

Short answer: No. Don't buy them. Long answer (since I did buy them, plus I need to write more than three short sentences here): Against all odds, I managed to transform the leftovers into something slightly more edible (or drinkable).

After choking down one of each flavor, I was still stuck with two nearly full boxes of the product. The first question that came to mind was, "Who will rid me of these pestilential popsicles?" If it was nearer to Halloween and I lived in the kind of neighborhood that actually gets trick or treaters, I could have tried unloading them on unsuspecting children, but alas, neither of those things are true. I was tempted to toss them, but I hate food waste with a burning passion. As an alternative, I enlisted the help of booze and a blender.

First, I blended the slightly softened popsicles into a pretty pastel slush, of which I took one experimental sip .... Ick. I then poured in enough rum to partially drown the flavor. The drink still needed something, so I added half a bag of frozen mixed berries. The end product did have residual undertones of popsicle nastiness, but the results were more or less palatable. Also, I got some antioxidants from the berries while drowning my popsicle-related woes with the rum, so I'll count my creation as a kinda-sorta win.

Although I can't imagine anyone voluntarily consuming this product, much less paying for it, everyone's tastes are different. If you do wish to purchase Sundae Shoppe Bubble Gum and Cotton Candy Popsicles, they're an Aldi exclusive (as are all Sundae Shoppe products). This means you'll either travel to an Aldi to find them or else order them from Instacart, although there will still need to be an Aldi in the vicinity since Instacart doesn't do long distance deliveries.

Both types of popsicles come six to a box, with each box weighing 18 ounces and each popsicle coming in around three ounces, or slightly less if you subtract the stick and wrapper. The boxes cost $3.89, at least in the general vicinity of Milwaukee, Wisconsin. At this price level, that works out to about 65 cents per popsicle.

Sundae Shoppe Bubble Gum and Cotton Candy Popsicles, as previously noted, were advertised as a weekly special starting August 12, which means they should be available through August 18. Some items do sell out early, and there's always a chance that my negative opinion is the minority one and there'll be a run on these popsicles by hordes of people who disagree. Conversely, if nobody buys them, they may go on clearance by next week. (One July Aldi find, Crystal Clear Frozen Ice Cubes, were originally priced at $4.99 but my local Aldi is still trying to get rid of them at $0.49 a box.) My advice would be to wait for the markdown (or better yet, avoid them altogether).

Shocking news: Water is wet, filet mignon is expensive, and Sundae Shoppe Bubble Gum and Cotton Candy Popsicles have no nutritional value whatsoever. They are a good source of exactly zero vitamins and minerals, as well as fiber and protein, since they don't even contain trace amounts of these. 

Each popsicle does have 70 calories, 20 grams of carbohydrate, and 20 grams of sugar. They are entirely without sodium, fat, or cholesterol, so there's that. Also, the ingredients are less unnatural than you might think, since the ice pops are sweetened with real cane sugar instead of corn syrup. What's more, the blue color comes from spirulina while the pink is from vegetable juice. They're still not a healthy snack by any stretch of the imagination, but they probably won't do too much damage. (I hope. Stay tuned to see if I'm still alive and writing next week.)