The Protein-In-Everything Craze Continues With Clucking Ridiculous Chicken Meat Crackers

Welcome to Nosh or Nah, a column where The Takeout staff reviews the best, worst, and weirdest new snacks and drinks hitting store shelves near you.

As our exploration of the oddest corners of the grocery store continues week after week, some overarching trends have become obvious. One of the most persistent is that American food manufacturers are absolutely obsessed with transforming foods into other foods. Another is that every snack food must have protein crammed into it somehow. This week, both trends are combined in the form of Wilde Protein Crackers, which use some kind of dark alchemy to convert chicken flesh into an ersatz simulation of a Cheez-It.

Michael Palan bravely tested to see whether these Wilde crackers are as discomfiting in practice as they are in concept. He also got his hands on Trolli Spicy Crawlers, a (supposedly) hot version of the company's beloved gummy worms infused with real chile pepper. Which is a Nosh and which is a Nah? The answer may surprise you.

Sweet and spicy is a trendy combo that shows no sign of slowing down. Last month, we were introduced to Hot Tamales Tropical Heat, which had just enough spice to complement their fun fruity flavors. Now the Trolli gummy folks are getting in the game with Spicy Crawlers, which are made with habanero pepper powder. 

The Spicy Crawlers come in three flavors — mango habanero, strawberry habanero, and pineapple habanero. The bag promises more than a hint of habanero in the gummies, with three fire emojis out of five to signify their spice level. All three gummies shine through on their namesake fruit flavoring, and visually, I'm a particular fan of the pineapple one, as it has an Indiana Jones logo-like sunset gradient to it. However, while I like the gummies overall, no matter how many I eat, I never seem to find much kick. Occasionally, there is a faint sense of spice in the aftertaste, but it never amounts to much. I feel like these gummies need a lot more habanero to make an impact, or at least to differentiate them from a standard Trolli Crawler gummy. As a candy, they're wiggly solid, but they're a Nah for promising heat and under-delivering.

The gigantic image on the package of Wilde Protein Crackers is a mission statement — they're coming for you, Cheez-Its. These Wilde crackers pack in .6 grams of protein per cracker, while a single Cheez-It lags behind at .11 per. Powerful protein numbers aside, the real question is whether these new baked crackers made with chicken breast and chicken bone broth are any good.

I start with a dip into the Classic Cheddar. The crackers themselves look identical to Cheez-Its. One quick bite and I'm immediately sold on their taste. They have an undeniable crunch that is satisfying both texturally and audibly. Just a few crackers in and I'm already ready to declare these the best protein chip-like snacks I've ever had. I move onto the Smoked Gouda ones, which deliver on both the smell and flavoring of the titular cheese. The Buffalo Cheddar are also a winner, with their dry seasoning powder successfully recreating saucy spiced vibes. Hot Honey is the one flavor of these Wilde crackers I'm not wild about, despite earning points for trendiness. They're more sweet than hot, and sugary crackers aren't exactly my jam.

While I'd never dissuade anyone from eating Cheez-Its, having previously ranked 12 fab flavors, Wilde Protein Chips are a product to keep an eye on and a snack to have many a handful of. This is a certified Nosh. The crackers come in 4.2-ounce bags and sell at retailers like Target for $6.99.