The Creamy Milk Cocktail That's Been Around Since The 1600s

There's an odd sort of cognitive dissonance that comes from drinking a milk-based alcoholic beverage. Milk, after all, is a fairly wholesome drink that you may have drank with dinner growing up; adding alcohol to the equation takes some getting used to. It may make you feel like a private detective who is also a cat or perhaps The Dude from "The Big Lebowski." Still, if you're one for a creamy mouthfeel during cocktail hour, you might find yourself turning to milk punch, especially around the holidays. (After all, what do you think eggnog is?) It's a tradition that goes back centuries — specifically to the 1600s.

Milk punch originated as an adaptation of punch that was a little milder and less acidic. (As you can imagine, this somewhat less flavorful recipe was a British invention, although it's far from boring or bland.) Not only did the creamy milk counterbalance the sharp citrus flavors common in punch at the time, it provided a smooth, pleasant texture that was entirely its own — and what's more, it didn't go bad if you stored it in the cellar. For this reason, it was a popular bottled drink in the Victorian era.

If you'd rather not have a drink that's too thick and creamy — there's a thin line between "creamy" and "snotlike" — there's always clarified milk punch. Carefully made so that it's smooth and translucent rather than dense and opaque, it's a terrific option if you'd like to get a little bit tipsy while also getting your daily dose of calcium. And by drinking it, you're in good company with a very interesting woman who lived a few centuries ago.

Aphra Behn was the first English woman to earn a living as a writer — which was unheard of in the 17th century — and established a reputation as a daring playwright with a colorful personality. (She was also a spy for Charles II, and it says a lot that that isn't the most interesting thing about her.) It's unclear whether she invented clarified milk punch or merely popularized it with her parties (similar to how it's unclear whether musical satirist Tom Lehrer really invented the Jell-O shot), but there's no denying that she served the drink often — and got her guests very drunk indeed. It developed a reputation similar to Long Island iced tea (a drink that rings alarm bells for bartenders due to its high alcohol content), being seen as an easy-to-drink cocktail that could get you "so fearfully drunk that you wouldn't know whether you are a cow yourself." What a testimonial!