The Nostalgic '90s Beverage We Wish We Could Drink One More Time

The 1990s were not quite the nostalgic utopia of the popular imagination. Sure, we were all somewhat less afraid of nuclear Armageddon than in previous decades, and we had cultural touchstones like Nirvana and "The X-Files" and everything else we pine after from those years. But that didn't mean bad things didn't happen. Though political scientist Francis Fukuyama declared that it was "the end of history," history kept right on going, for better or worse. With that said, though, the '90s had fun little fruit drinks down to a science — not only were there the pouch-tastic Capri-Sun juices, but also we had a curious, now-discontinued drink called Squeezit, which was sold with a number of gimmicks and a hearty helping of '90s attitude.

The idea behind Squeezit was that it came in small plastic bottles that you had to squeeze, whether to pour it into a glass or (more likely) right into your mouth. Like any self-respecting juice in the 1990s, it had a number of flavors:  cherry, strawberry, orange, "berry" (or blue raspberry), and many more. They had the kind of coloring you rarely find in nature beyond poisonous frogs. Then, of course, there were the mascots. There was Chucklin' Cherry, covering his giggling mouth with impish glee; there was Smarty Arty Orange, clad in a green polka dot bowtie and glasses so you know he's the smart one; and there was Grumpy Grape, whose glaring eyes and jowly frown made him vaguely resemble a fruit-flavored Richard Nixon.

At first, Squeezit was sold much like any other food aimed at kids in the 1980s and 1990s: with slightly horrifying commercials where mascots get tormented for our viewing pleasure. Much as the Trix Rabbit was doomed to never taste a bowl of his sweet cereal (to say nothing of his yogurt), so too were the Squeezits condemned to their fate. Commercials showed them being scooped up by grabbing hands, gasping and hiding at the sight of thirsty children, grunting and wriggling with displeasure as they're consumed. Other commercials, shying away from the macabre, went with the more typical power-up angle, suggesting that Squeezit would make you better at school or sports.

There were other selling points, too. There were Mystery Squeezits, which came as part of a six-pack and were colored black so their flavor remained a mystery. (One of the flavors was kiwi strawberry; others appear to be lost to time.) And there were Squeezits that changed color if you dropped a small tablet in them, which was a neat little novelty if nothing else. Of course, something this whimsical couldn't last forever, and Squeezit was discontinued in 2001. But wouldn't it be nice to enter the brightly colored world of '90s commercials, summon our inner hummingbird, and absolutely demolish bottles full of hyper-sweet sugar water?