News - The Takeout

Study: Terrifying Warning Labels Deter People From Eating Junk Food

By Kate Bernot June 5th, 2018 Read More
Crawfish Gnaws Off Its Own Leg To Save Itself From Boiling Soup

By Gwen Ihnat June 5th, 2018 Read More
Dollar Stores Double Down On Discount Food

By Kate Bernot June 5th, 2018 Read More
Patron Shot By Dancing FBI Agent To Get Free Drinks For Life

By Gwen Ihnat June 5th, 2018 Read More
Wisconsin Sausage Factory Worker Charged With Inserting Foreign Objects Into Links

By Kevin Pang June 5th, 2018 Read More
Grocery Stores Will Now Stock Mental-Health DNA Tests

By Kate Bernot June 5th, 2018 Read More
Restaurant Adds Automatic Tip For Grade-School Customers Because Kids Are Cheapskates

By Gwen Ihnat June 5th, 2018 Read More
Too Bad, Dad: A1 Steak Sauce Candles Already Sold Out For Father's Day

By Gwen Ihnat June 4th, 2018 Read More
Women Orders Fried Chicken Delivery To Get Someone To Kill A Spider

By Gwen Ihnat June 4th, 2018 Read More
Tyson Hopes You Want To Eat Protein Chips Made With "upcycled" Chicken Bits

By Kate Bernot June 4th, 2018 Read More
Food-Share App Lets You Swipe Right On Your Neighbor's Leftovers

By Gwen Ihnat June 4th, 2018 Read More
Supreme Court Sides With Baker Who Refused To Make Same-Sex Wedding Cake

By Gwen Ihnat June 4th, 2018 Read More
Steakhouse Caves To Insufferable Social Influencers With Dedicated "Instagram Table"

By Kate Bernot June 4th, 2018 Read More
I Tried Very Hard To Cook With Flamin' Hot Cheetos

By Dennis Lee June 3rd, 2018 Read More
Buy A Mattress, Get The "Gift" Of 12 Papa John's Pizzas

By Allison Shoemaker June 1st, 2018 Read More
Our Country's Deep Divisions Have A Silver Lining: Shorter Thanksgiving Dinner

By Kevin Pang June 1st, 2018 Read More
I've Been Pronouncing "hummus" Wrong And none Of You Told Me

By Allison Shoemaker June 1st, 2018 Read More
All-Grown-Up Dunkin' Donuts Wants To Focus On Espresso Game

By Kevin Pang June 1st, 2018 Read More
In Space, No One Can Hear You Scream From The Smell Of A Durian

By Gwen Ihnat June 1st, 2018 Read More
Don't Go Moisturizer-Shopping On An Empty Stomach, You Might Get Scammed

By Allison Shoemaker June 1st, 2018 Read More
Man Posts Morel mushrooms On Facebook, Gets A Visit From The Cops

By Gwen Ihnat June 1st, 2018 Read More
Latest Tactic To Ward Off Asshole Seagulls Straight Out Of Planet Earth

By Kevin Pang June 1st, 2018 Read More
People Have Gotten Some Really Rude Requests On Venmo

By Gwen Ihnat May 31st, 2018 Read More
Walmart Launches New Program To almost Cover Employees' Full College Tuition

By Kate Bernot May 31st, 2018 Read More
U.K. Suggests Eliminating Cartoon Characters From Unhealthy Food

By Gwen Ihnat May 31st, 2018 Read More
Fog Vodka Is Vodka Made From Fog

By Allison Shoemaker May 31st, 2018 Read More
Vin Diesel Walks Off With Glass Ice Cream Dish Like He's Special Or Something

By Allison Shoemaker May 31st, 2018 Read More