Great Wolf Lodge Launches A Nightmare Fuel Ranch Milkshake

In food news that may leave you questioning your grip on reality today, indoor waterpark chain Great Wolf Lodge recently announced that it's releasing a new, limited-time milkshake flavor. Forget about pedestrian chocolate — this one's a combination of vanilla and (forgive me when I tell you this) ranch dressing. I know that we Midwesterners love our ranch, but drinking dessert ranch wasn't on my bingo card this morning.

Don't worry. It comes with small garnishes to snack on, too, including carrots, celery, and crispy chicken. The rim of each cup comes coated in a salty lime mix, while the shake itself is topped with whipped cream. Excited yet? The shake will be available between March 5 through March 20, and there's no coincidence that National Ranch Day happens to land during that time on March 10. On March 10, the shake will be a mere $3.10 so we can all partake without breaking the bank, because we've all obviously been dying for the opportunity to sit around drinking ranch dressing mixed with ice cream.

During my long tenure here at The Takeout, I'm going to fess up to something: I know what ranch and ice cream taste like together. That's because ice cream manufacturer Van Leeuwen once released a Hidden Valley Ranch ice cream collab a few years ago and I sacrificed my body in a tribute to science. For a quick recap, the stuff wasn't the worst as it had front-forward vanilla flavor, but the savory herbs and spices came in to hijack the aftertaste. I recall not particularly wanting to relive the experience, but I guess Great Wolf Lodge is here to poke at the ranch lovers in your life. (I'm not sure I like the idea of a mayonnaise-based dressing mixed with ice cream, for the record.)

There are nearly two dozen Great Wolf Lodge locations spread across the country, so there's plenty of opportunity to get your hands on one of these shakes. I can't exactly imagine this being a great idea during a long day of indoor waterslides and swimming, but ranch lovers seem to know no boundaries. For some people, this could be the best day-trip ever, even if this stunt is unlikely to land Great Wolf Lodge on our list of the best milkshakes in every state.