We Apologize For The Cap'n Crunch Dad Jokes That Lie Ahead

We know him, we love (?) him: the eponymous Cap'n of Cap'n Crunch breakfast cereal. For decades, he's encouraged us to throw his delectable products and alleged mistakes into our grocery carts. Now he's encouraging us to send him all of our best/worst jokes in honor of National Tell A Joke Day on August 16. The Cap'n himself, we have been assured via press release, will be sharing his own dad-level crunchlines on Instagram, as if to assure us that we can do better. Which, when you read over the following, it seems like all of us surely can:

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Conch you think of better jokes for this promocean? Or will you draw a plank? Sea for yourselves. Shellfishly, I hope I win. (Ultimately, though, The Simpsons might have achieved nautical humor perfection in 1996 with "Call me back, Ishmael." Or even earlier, with the first appearance of The Frying Dutchman restaurant in 1992.)

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