It's Girl Scout Cookie Season, Jabronis

The year's just started, and we're already heading into the finest food season of them all. Is it fruit ripening on a vine somewhere sunny and idyllic? Are the golden fields of oats ready to be harvested, Ma? No, kids. It's even better than that. It's Girl Scout Cookie season.


This year, for some weird, specifically terrible reason, your local Girl Scout troop has to be creative about selling you their crop of cookies while maintaining a social distance of over six feet. Normally I'd be getting texts from friends with kids saying, "Dennis, do you want any Girl Scout cookies?" My typical response is to shout at the top of my lungs while running around in circles, scaring the living shit out of our cat, Nugget. Hell yes, do I want cookies. And this year? Screw it. Give me all of them.

The 2021 lineup is mostly similar to previous years, so expect to see your favorites like Thin Mints, Lemonades, Trefoils (Shortbreads), Caramel deLites (Samoas), Do-si-dos (Peanut Butter Sandwich), Tagalongs (Peanut Butter Patties), Caramel Chocolate Chip, Toffee-tastic, and Girl Scout S'mores.


However, say hello to a new cookie this year! This is the Toast-Yay!™, which is french-toast-flavored. Does that mean they taste like custard and maple syrup? I will have to find out myself, the hard way, by eating them.

The staff of The Takeout has been intrigued by the name Toast-Yay!™. Our line of questioning has run rampant:Why the hyphen? (We're writers, first and foremost.) Why the word "yay," complete with exclamation point? How do you pluralize it ("Toasts-Yay!"?)? And did maybe a young Girl Scout create this mysterious name? The Girl Scouts of America sent this response:

"The new Toast-Yay! cookie introduces a fresh, modern twist on the classic French Toast, bringing its delicious taste beyond the breakfast table. The name is designed to be a play on words for 'toasty,' which evokes the warmth and joy we believe people will associate with this great new French Toast-inspired flavor. 'Toast' draws on the cookie's unique toast shape and attributes of French Toast, and 'yay!' celebrates joy—the joy that Girl Scout Cookies bring to consumers, and how Girl Scouts create moments of joy as they use their cookie earnings to support their communities and donate cookies to frontline workers and local causes."


This answer is perhaps a little less Willy Wonka–esque than I'd surmised, but I suppose it all makes sense.

As you can imagine, this year's cookie sales are going to be a little different, with more of an online delivery system in place. You can order online through the mobile app (the Scouts have come a long way), and now through Grubhub as well. Limited locations will do Grubhub deliveries, with any orders over $15 getting the cookies to you free of charge through February 14.

If you don't know any Girl Scouts personally, you do not need to cry. The Girl Scouts have a nearest troop locator on their website, and any orders you place will go through that troop, and the funds will either go toward things like scout activities or be donated to a local organization. Those orders open for nationwide delivery starting February 1. And you will still be able to see Girl Scouts in person at tables set up outside retail stores as usual, depending on your area's COVID-19 guidelines.

Something I didn't actually know is that Girl Scout Cookie season runs from January through April. I always thought it was an amorphous period of time in which the mystical Girl Scout Council made a mysterious decision, kind of like the fleeting McRib. So make sure you buy a shitload of cookies all at once, which is what I always do. You can always store a sleeve of Thin Mints in the freezer for a boss-level move.