Likely Pent-Up Man Rages Over "Sexual" Ketchup Bottle Label

Where you see a ketchup bottle, a British man sees racy labeling.

In news I can't believe I'm writing about today, a man from Kingston upon Hull, England, visited his local Pizza Hut for the first time and encountered a racy (?) condiment surprise.

Adrian Shann told HullLive that, during his visit, the label on a ketchup bottle on a table caught his eye. The label read "Shake, Squeeze, and Squirt," reports HullLive. (You can see a photo of the bottle through the link). Apparently this rubbed him entirely the wrong way, and Shann said to HullLive, "It literally sounds like an app for swingers. I do not understand how someone could put that sentence together, it's awful." What kind of swingers has this guy met? Ones that really like ketchup, maybe?

Apparently Shann dispenses his ketchup in a way that involves neither shaking nor squeezing or squirting. Last time I checked, this is how most people, including me, get ketchup from a squeeze bottle onto a plate. You shake the bottle to avoid nasty ketchup water, squeeze the damn thing, and the ketchup squirts out like it's supposed to. I don't know. Maybe he does the Hokey Pokey or something to get it out.

"It is because of the chain's marketing aimed at children that I am worried," Shann told HullLive. "I think they were all laughing when they created it." This guy must worry about a lot of things.

When asked about a new local takeout shop called The Food Hub, whose logo is a blatant rip-off of the porn site PornHub (HullLive reported on it too, it's pretty funny), he doesn't seem so concerned, saying: "They're just a takeaway, it doesn't have so many kids in."

Meanwhile, HullLive reports that the offending bottle design has been around at Pizza Hut since 2019. If this is what he thinks about the dispensing instructions on a bottle of ketchup, I wonder what he sees when he assembles furniture from IKEA. All those spicy nuts and bolts!