Heinz Canada Invents Bottle That Helps You Pour Ketchup

Getting ketchup out of a glass bottle is a dark art, passed down through generations of ketchup users. You could, of course, just buy the squeeze bottle, but what would be the fun in that? You wouldn't have the joy of shaking the bottle, tilting the bottle, sticking a knife in the bottle, or smugly informing your tablemates that all they have to do is gently smack the embossed "57" on the neck of a bottle of Heinz.

But now Heinz Canada, the product of a kinder, gentler nation than our own (or so we like to think), wants us to know that all you have to do to get the ketchup flowing is to hold the bottle at a 45 degree angle. If you're not entirely sure what a 45 degree angle is, Ad Age reports that they've got that covered now, too: they've affixed the label to their new Pour Perfect bottle in such a way that it will only be upright when the bottle is at the optimal pouring tilt. Then the ketchup will flow. It's like magic! It is astonishing that it took 143 years for someone to come up with this technology, but as Heinz used to say back in the '80s, good things come to those who wait.

Sadly, this great innovation is only in its test stages and is, at the moment, available only in Toronto. Someday, America. Someday.