Bloodthirsty Oregonians Absolutely Annihilated An Enormous Gourd

I am only human, which means I love to watch people smash stuff. There's something innately satisfying about watching things go BOOM, something carnal and delicious, something that turns me into the equivalent of a 14-year-old boy muttering, "That was awesome." Residents of Seaside, Oregon, clearly feel the same, since they lined up over the weekend to drop a massive pumpkin from a great height.

Here's what went down: Seaside Downtown Development hosted a giant "pumpkin drop" as a fundraiser for Veganville Animal Sanctuary, a Seaside non-profit that rescues abused and neglected farm animals. The event took place yesterday, November 1, in a parking lot, and drew a sizeable crowd to watch organizers hoist an enormous pumpkin up to the heavens via cherry picker. The cherry picker operator then launched the big boy to a swift, messy end on the pavement.

The ill-fated pumpkin weighed 1,324 pounds, local news station KGW8 reported, and was grown by a Seaside local. Pumpkin drop attendees were encouraged to guess the pumpkin's weight, as well as the distance the pumpkin chunks traveled after the gourd fell to its demise. (In case you are wondering, the furthest chunk flew an impressive 64 feet.) Organizers donated the leftover pumpkin guts to hungry piggies at the animal sanctuary.

Did the event feel lightly Shirley Jackson-esque? Yes. Did the event look extremely fun? Would I pay good money to attend a similar function? Yes and yes. It's like I always say: To err is human, but to pulverize the shit out of a thousand-pound pumpkin? Ah, 'tis divine.