Football Players Punished After Running Naked With Oreos Between Butt Cheeks

This is one of those stories where we're just at a loss and have a lot of questions. Namely, "Why?" Also, "What for?" Specifically, "How come?" Nevertheless, we are compelled to report that ten players from the Byron High School football team in northern Illinois were recently reprimanded after confessing to a "naked Oreo run," which involves wedging the sandwich cookie between your butt cheeks.

The Rockford Register Star relays that the "activity" took place October 26, and parents were informed of it November 8. The guilty parties were then suspended from their next three games for indecent exposure. One of those games was the state championship, which Byron lost. A harsh punishment for running around with cookies in your butt, but lesson learned.

Grasping for straws: The RR Star points out that this weird ritual was not attached to hazing; all participation was voluntary. Also, wedging Oreos between your butt cheeks is not harmful, unlike ingesting Tide Pods, say. After that, we're out. We have no idea why someone would do this; it's a heinous way to waste perfectly good Oreo cookies.