Crook Breaks Into Bank, Steals One Soda In Biggest Heist Ever

Doesn’t a nice, cold, mid-crime beverage sound refreshing?

ABC News reports that a man in Stafford, Virginia, was arrested for breaking into a bank, though his heist pretty much only involved stealing loose change and drinking a soda. No report on what kind of soda it was.

This happened on Monday morning, just after 9 a.m., when someone at the Carter Bank & Trust reported an overnight burglary. The Stafford County Sheriff's Office sent over a police officer, Sergeant Zotos, who reviewed surveillance footage to find video evidence of the incident. The suspect, later identified as a 48-year-old man from Roadsville, Virginia, had climbed construction scaffolding on the exterior of the bank all the way up to the roof. He then fell in through the drop ceiling, climbed down some more scaffolding that was inside the building, and gained entry to the bank. This is some real Ocean's Eleven shit.

A statement posted on social media by the Stafford County Sheriff's Office said, "The suspect is seen rummaging through cash drawers and stealing change. He then retrieves a soda from the employee breakroom and drinks it before exiting the bank the same way he entered. Once outside the bank, the suspect removes the change from his pocket and puts it in his backpack before leaving the area on his bicycle."

Turns out the burglar has distinctive arm tattoos, which made it really easy for deputies to identify the guy just a few hours later, responding to an incident at Red Roof Inn where he was accused of trespassing on the property. I bet he was tired and just wanted a hotel room after the evening he'd had. Burgling takes a lot out of you, you know? Plus, he probably had plenty of loose change to pay for the room. The thirsty culprit was apprehended, though primarily for breaking and entering, because you can't call his loot much of a robbery. (What soda was it? We need to know!)