Blathering Egg White Omelet Tucker Carlson Says America Owns The Taco

Last week, Jeff Sessions visited two Mexican restaurants in Houston, one of which—El Tiempo Cantina—shared a photo of Sessions with an employee, saying it was an "honor" to serve him. Many Houston residents were upset that the restaurant would be honored to serve the man who's said that the Trump administration's family separation policy was "necessary," prompting what you might call a lively social media response. El Tiempo Cantina has since apologized and deleted all its social media accounts. Tucker Carlson's takeaway from all this?

"Those are my tacos. Mine!" 

Carlson, a Fox News host and noted cherubic Russet potato, invited Univision anchor Enrique Acevedo on his show for a discussion of these events. Carlson being Carlson, it instead devolved into the host berating his guest (opening salvo: "I misread this whole thing. I thought you guys were a news network, I didn't know that you were enforcers of ethnic solidarity. But you are." Ain't we got fun.)

But how, you ask, do the tacos come in? Oh, my sweet summer child, they come in when a disingenuous, mewling oat bran muffin with eyes asks a question he pretends to want answered:

"This is a confusing time, 2018. Who knows what the boundaries are. I'm totally opposed to illegal immigration. I think our legal immigration level should be lower because the country's getting too volatile. Those are my sincere views. I also like Mexican food, since I grew up on the Mexican border. Should I be allowed to eat Mexican food?"

Acevedo, ah, attempts to answer; his point seems to be that the contradiction present in someone attacking a group of people and then celebrating their food is pretty frustrating. But he doesn't really get much of that out before the toefaced host starts cackling over the hilarity of the idea. Tacos? Tacos aren't Mexican food! Tee hee!

In the event that you think I'm exaggerating, here is the exchange between Acevedo and a verbose curd, per Huffington Post:

"What do you mean 'their food'? It's American food," he cried out with a giggle as his voice rose in pitch. "It's American! What do you think, you own tacos now or something? I love this, it's so crazy!"

Acevedo said "of course not" and added that "no one" owns tacos.

"Oh, really?" Carlson shot back. "Because it sounds like you feel like you own tacos. I feel like I do. I feel like they're an American food, and I'm going to keep eating them even though I agree with Jeff Sessions."

Acevedo keeps trying to make his point about celebrating the culture of others as the applecheeked nincompoop titters and sniggers about how tacos are duh, totally his food.

"No! What do you mean each other's cultures? It's an American food! It's an American food! You're not gonna steal—you're not going to appropriate my culture. I'm from San Diego, man. Those are my tacos. Mine!"

Remember this? Good times.

The Takeout is a part of Onion Inc., which was acquired by Univision in 2016.