Today In Giant Food: Would You Rather Eat A 5-Meat Burger Or A 4-Handed Doughnut?

We don't believe that the saying "bigger is better" is always true. Cases in point: Today we noticed a few announcements about new foodzillas invading some the nation's eating establishments.

First up: Chili's The Boss Burger. For people who apparently are bored with their time on this earth, People and other outlets are reporting that the burger is "a 1,650-calorie monstrosity. First, the bottom bun is smothered in BBQ sauce and ranch, and then topped with lettuce, tomato, a beef patty and cheddar cheese. Next, the burger is loaded with four other meats—brisket, pulled ribs, jalapeño sausage, and bacon—before being completed with a top bun."

The only question we can sputter out is... how? In a statement to People, Chili's CMO Steve Provost stated, "This burger is a meal in itself and for some it can be lunch the next day... If you have the courage to 'conquer The Boss,' you have two options–gather your closest friends and family for a Chili's date to share this beast of a burger, or if you're feeling particularly saucy and are up to the #ChilisBoss challenge then you can try to conquer this thing in one sitting on your own." Can you imagine sharing this burger on a date, in a kind of Lady & The Tramp situation? Frankly, we go out with friends to eat our own food, and don't relish (sorry) the thought of all of us eating off of the same burger. Why order a dinner that you have to summon up a certain amount of courage to eat?

We don't feel all that communal about doughnuts, either, which is why we don't get this post by Food Insider yesterday about the massive creations available at DK's Donuts and Bakery in Santa Monica, California. The shop "serves giant doughnut towers that are customizable. You can pick your size, frosting, and toppings!" Or, you could just get your own fricking doughnut. How hard is that? (Putting Fruity Pebbles and Cap'n Crunch on doughnuts looks pretty good though.) Frankly, if there's any sort of advantage to the disgusting sharing of toppings and swapping of germs by sharing these giant food items with family and friends, we're just not seeing it.