This Week In Bagged Salad Terror: Half A Rat, Full Lizard

Bagged salad and frozen vegetables are usually big hits among grocery shoppers, but some news stories this week may threaten the popularity of the convenience items. Apparently because, if you bag some vegetables, some unsavory things may find their way in there.

First, reports, in a scene out of our very worst nightmares, a half of a rat was discovered in a bag of frozen vegetables in Cornwall, England. What's worse, this horrifying discovery happened as a 60-year-old grandmother was feeding her toddler granddaughter lunch. What's the only thing worse than that? They were almost done with the bag when they discovered the half-rodent in the bottom of it. We hope they get five billion pounds or Euros or whatever from Aldi and the frozen vegetable producer to make up for that considerable trauma.

At least the week's next bagged lettuce victim was sooner to spot the unwanted lunch visitor. ABC affiliate WMUR reports that a Maine woman found a dead three-inch lizard at the top of her package of bagged lettuce. It was missing its tail, so she's not sure whether she swallowed it or not. Or if (shudder) another lizard is regenerating in her stomach this very minute. (Okay, that probably couldn't happen.)

WMUR states "Michelle Carr, of Kittery, said she doesn't normally... buy prepackaged lettuce, and she probably never will again. 'It was disgusting. It was a shock. I immediately started to retch.'" No word on whether this bag advertised itself as "pre-washed."

Clearly, the only solution here is to avoid vegetables and go for the most processed food possible.