Crap Thief Makes Off With Toilet Fixtures From New York Fast Food Chains

A New York plumber is off to a shitty 2019, accused of stealing pricey toilet fixtures in a string of burglaries from a Queens fast food chain.

The New York Daily News, reigning champions of alliterative headlines with "crapper klepto," reports that a 44-year-old man has been charged with pilfering "toilet flushing mechanisms valued at $250 each" from a number of fast food restaurants, dating back to November 23. The man allegedly hit a Wendy's twice over the span of three days, then a Burger King twice in December, an Arby's, and a coffee shop. A Queens district attorney said surveillance video shows the accused thief entering into restaurant bathrooms then leaving with bag in hand.

The Daily News noted the accused thief's Facebook page lists his plumbing and heating company in Whitestone, New York, which for our selfish purposes is unfortunately not located next door in Flushing.

The accused man is due back in court on Jan. 9.