Thief Makes Off With $650,000 In Lobster Tails

Some people have Google Alerts set for their names. I, on the other hand, have "lobster theft" set up, in the event thievery of this pricey crustacean takes place. This morning, my Google Alert went wild.

According to the police department of Morton Grove, a suburb 20 minutes northwest of downtown Chicago, a complaint was filed alleging someone was involved in the theft of 2,000 lobster tails valued at $650,000. (Click here to read the police department's PDF media release, which I believe erroneously wrote the complaint was filed on Jan. 1 instead of Jan. 11).

My first instinct was holy shit, lobster tails that cost $325 a piece?

Leave it to the Morton Grove Champion to provide more details: According to the newspaper, an insurance company investigator discovered the 31-year-old driver of the truck delivering the lobster tails had only dropped off three of the 23 pallets intended for a warehouse. Then it gets, ahem, fishy: The shipment was a day late, the driver claimed mechanical issues with his vehicle, and a plastic band with the name of the market where the lobster tails came from was seen visible inside a Chevy Tahoe owned by the driver. The driver, according to the newspaper, "refused to answer questions about the delivery."

Thievery should not be condoned, but lobster tails—look, we're not fans of lobsters here at The Takeout. They are dangerous, frightening monsters who would wipe out human beings if evolution didn't keep them so handheld. We ain't paying $325 for that.