Florida Woman Kicked Out Of Red Lobster Then Steals Red Lobster

The Smoking Gun is one of the internet's most pleasurable reads, scouring through piles of police blotter chaff for the few strands of delicious wheat. This item from Florida was especially full of tasty details: It involves a 42-year-old woman who caused a scene at a St. Petersburg Red Lobster this past Saturday. Let's run through the mouth-watering morsels:

• The woman was "loud and causing a scene at the restaurant," according to the arrest affidavit. A manager asked the woman to leave, who was cursing as she was led to the front door. Feed every story about disorderly swear-y conduct at a Red Lobster directly into our carotid artery, please.
• As the woman left, she "reached into a water tank containing live lobsters, grabbed a lobster and ran out of the restaurant." The ultimate F.U. at a Red Lobster, well done.
• The woman was arrested at 1:44 p.m. That's Saturday afternoon.
• After she was arrested, the woman said she did not know what happened to the lobster because she is "blacked out drunk" and "did not care because she did not do anything wrong."
• The woman allegedly has tattoos on her back of "dragon and Koi fish."

Please give the fine journalists at The Smoking Gun your click, we beg you.