Portland Grocery Stores Run Out Of Kale Ahead Of Big Snowstorm

The Pacific Northwest is powering through a series of no-joke snowstorms right now. These storms aren't of the sort that are intense for Portland and Seattle but make Chicagoans roll their eyes, but actually intense. So the fine people of the region spent their weekends buying a bunch of food like miserly dragons that just want organic produce and decent bread. They even ran out of kale.

I'm sure that there's kale in some store somewhere, but look at that. That's perfect.

The Oregonian reports that Portlanders swept through grocery stores across the city like hungry, cold, live-action Tasmanian devils, tearing fruit and milk and bread and all kinds of things off the shelves and throwing them into their fridges before diving under a pile of blankets.

It's not just produce.

And it's not just Portland.

Residents of Oregon and Washington, allow me to assure you that it's going to be okay. Snow melts. If you manage to make it back to the store, here are the things you're actually going to need. Grab a pen.