Please Read This 15-Page Plea For A White Wine Emoji

Food emoji are weird, man. I have never used the fish cake emoji, nor the can of tomatoes emoji, nor the salad-stuffed pita emoji—but they exist. Meanwhile, what's a girl gotta do to get a simple white wine emoji up in this motha?Apparently the first step is: Write an earnest, 15-page-long plea to the emoji-governing Unicode Consortium.

While we basic bitches have known forever that the lack of a white wine emoji is a goddamn tragedy (how else are we supposed to text our besties inviting them for pedis + sauv blanc on Fri-yay?), Good Housekeeping alerted us to news that someone has taken up this fight with the actual Unicode Consortium. That someone—Kendall Jackson wineries—obviously has a vested interested in expanding the wine emoji into non-red realms. The winery produces the top-selling chardonnay in America for 25 years running, and it is demanding justice and equity for emoji-using white wine drinkers everywhere.

But Kate, you cry, there is already a champagne bottle emoji. I would counter that the champagne bottle emoji is not sufficient to express my love of other white wines such as vinho verde (merely effervescent, not sparkling) and chenin blancs that taste like rocks.

Onward. Kendall-Jackson's 15-page petition lays out numerous arguments for the white wine emoji, from Lady Gaga's recent hit "Grigio Girls" to Nielsen sales data that shows the chardonnay category leads American wine sales. It's comprehensive. It's well-researched. It's compelling. It's about. damn. time. for our white wine emoji.