Ohio Liquor Board Issues Fire Sale On Shitty Booze

Good news for Ohioans looking to ring in 2018 with some abysmal imbibing: The state's liquor commission has slashed prices on approximately 700 types of booze as part of an initiative called Last Call, which deeply discounts bottles that will no longer be sold in the state this year. Everything must go, including our dignity!

I'm not here to yuck your yum or tell you that your favorite liquor is trash, but really: Bottles range from a half gallon of Bacardi Torched Cherry rum (red is a flavor, right?) to Burnett's Sugar Cookie vodka to Pinnacle Red Licorice vodka. Dayton.com reports that prices are discounted by 25 to 40 percent, with a liter of Cruzan Banana rum now clocking in at a mere $6.99. See the full list here; you may contemplate Dryuary after reading it.

The sale is a result of the Ohio Department of Commerce Division of Liquor Control's charge to control "the manufacture, distribution, licensing, regulation, and merchandising of beer, wine, mixed beverages, and spirituous liquor." The agency determines what spirits are sold in the state, so if retailers aren't restocking these particular delicacies, they're now available to consumers at a steep discount.

To be fair, there are a few decent bottles on the chopping block, including some Herradura tequilas, Patron XO Cafe Dark (I really enjoy this coffee-tequila hybrid, don't @ me), and Courvoisier 12, if that's your thing. While there ain't no party like a sale liquor party, please remember to drink your whipped orange vodka responsibly.