Ketchup Thief Gets Unsurprising Offer From Ketchup Conglomerate [Updated]

Update, August 8, 2019: The ketchup thief has found a sympathetic ear: Heinz. The ketchup brand announced via social media it would like to help cover the costs of the thief's car repair (and presumably turn the story into a Heinz commercial). So far it doesn't appear the reformed condiment nabber has come forward.

Original story, August 2, 2019: An anonymous thief who filched a bottle of ketchup from a Perkins in Lacey, New Jersey, apparently learned their lesson. (Before we get into the details of this incident, a reminder that stealing knick-knacks from restaurants and glassware from breweries can add up for those small businesses. Don't be a jerk.)

Asbury Park Press outlines the saga of the Perkins ketchup thief, who—according to a later apology note—swiped a single bottle of ketchup off the table a few weeks ago. The note-writer explains that they'd never done anything like this before but thought it would be a "risky" move. The ketchup thief apparently returned to the scene of their crime to replace the loot with not one but two new ketchup bottles.

Why? Because karma's a bitch.

In the note, the thief says that just a few hours after swiping the ketchup bottle, another car smashed into their vehicle. Hoping to clear their karmic debt, the thief replaced the ketchup bottles: "Since then, my karma, luck, and life have been shit."

The account that posted the note in the Facebook group Lacey Township Chatter appears to be associated with someone who works at the Perkins, who wrote: "To the person that returned this. You are forgiven. Hope all goes better for you lesson learned."

Even when it comes to karma, the punishment should fit the crime, and we're inclined to say that this condiment criminal has more than learned their lesson. Here's hoping there's a bottle of good news heading their way.