Hark, Mayonnaise Is Risen!

Two years ago our nation entered a deep period of mourning when Philadelphia Magazine announced that mayonnaise had been murdered, and the culprits were none other than the most bloodthirsty serial killers of the 21st century: millennials. But what is dead may never die, and no matter how deep a grave has been dug for mayonnaise, it will always find a way to bubble up to the surface—perhaps you'll spot a bottle of Kewpie in a photo of some fancy chef's kitchen, or skim some social media chatter about heirloom tomato sandwiches, or see mayonnaise pop up as a surprise ingredient in a pretty damn outstanding cauliflower recipe. In the American culinary scene, mayonnaise has been slinking around the sidelines, awaiting its moment.

Then suddenly, a pandemic happens, forcing everyone to rely on their own kitchens for three meals and thirty snacks a day. And lo, the mayonnaise came upon the millennials, and the glory of it shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the mayo said unto them, "Fear not, for behold I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For mayonnaise has risen; let us rejoice!" And rejoice we shall, because according to Unilever's second-quarter earnings report, Hellmann's mayonnaise sales are up by double digits.

"The hidden jewel in the portfolio has been our in-home food and refreshment portfolio that has grown by 17% in the quarter, as consumers have eaten more soups, used more meal kits, and accompanied their meals with mayonnaise," said Unilever CEO Alan Jope in the company's earnings report.

Let us all hold this moment in our hearts forever. Let us never forget how we once killed mayonnaise, yet it came back to life when we needed it most, because it never stopped loving us. May we, and our sandwiches, forever be in its grace.