Last Call: What's The Most Ridiculous Food You've Ever Snuck Into A Movie Theater?

After graduating from college, I spent a few years flitting from movie theater to movie theater at least a few times a week. I started out as a rabid consumer—I will never call myself a cinephile because I love to watch trash—and ended up an employee at Moxie Cinema, my hometown's only indie theater. This is all to say that I've snarfed down all manner of foods inside movie theaters. As a viewer, I once snuck a massive Tupperware container of bean soup into a screening of Snowden (2016). As a theater employee, I spent hours cramming handfuls of popcorn down my gullet and removing toilet clogs that can only be described as Kafkaesque. I've been on both sides of the game, which is why I'm so tickled by Twitter's current illicit movie snack discourse:

now that movie theaters are dead and can't arrest us, what are some foods you've snuck into movie theaters

— Soundwave (@LocalSoundwave) December 3, 2020

The responses to this tweet are incredible. We've got movie-goers putting away 10 pounds of Indian food. We've got people strapping rotisserie chickens and Saran-wrapped watermelon to their abdomens. We've got one user who "confidently wolfed down a Chipotle burrito during Won't You Be My Neighbor."

I love this conversation, even as someone who's had to clean up after an adult man who decided to eat a cheesesteak in the dark while staring at a screen. I'm also woefully optimistic that movie theaters are, in fact, not dead—only dormant. My greatest hope is that we'll all reunite in those squeaky, squeaky seats someday, when we'll join hands and eat all manner of inappropriate foods and CLEAN UP AFTER OURSELVES OUT OF RESPECT FOR THE PEOPLE WHO BURN THEMSELVES ON THE POPCORN POPPER. In the meantime, let me know: what's the weirdest food you've ever snuck into a movie theater?