Last Call: Summer Vacation, Coronavirus Edition

The moment that this hits the internet, I will officially be on vacation! Though I suppose technically I'm on "hiatus," since I'm not actually going anywhere. Normally I would pack the husband and kids into the car and start checking things off the summer adventure list we cobble together during the winter and spring, featuring all the thrilling things we'd like to before school starts again in the fall. In the past we've driven hundreds of miles seeking out roadside oddities, historical sites, swimming holes, and, of course, food. Some people diet ahead of bikini season to look good—I (barely) do it so I can stop for every last doughnut on the open road.

Last summer's "theme" was eating at every pit beef shack in Maryland and stopping the car for anything that seemed interesting in between. This summer's theme is "coronavirus," and I have absolutely no ideas. Sure, we can go for hikes and find rivers to swim in, but that sort of fun only lasts maybe an hour or so before my adolescent sons inevitably turn on each other and someone ends up getting pelted in the face with a flip flop. Outside of that, what can we do? There's no museums to wander though for hours, no visitors centers to guide us to hidden local treasures, no restaurants and Main Street shops to let us soak up local color. Even more concerning: with all indoor spaces completely out of the question, where am I supposed to pee? My husband and sons can theoretically pee wherever they want, but me? If I put any liquids into my body, I'm going to need to stay within two miles of my house because, God as my witness, I'm not getting coronavirus on the toilet.

So what is my hiatus going to look like? Potentially a lot like my workdays do. Maybe I'll get to finishing that book proposal that's been sitting in my Google Docs for two years. Maybe I'll finally get around to all that spring cleaning I've been avoiding. Maybe I'll spend my days on the couch watching TV, ranting on Twitter, and throwing flip flops at the kids. I'm just going to take things day by day, hope that tomorrow brings opportunities for adventure, and try not to pee my pants. Do you have any big plans for summer "vacation"?