Last Call: Let's Fight About Melons

I knew when I wrote today's recipe for Honeydew Salad that there'd be backlash because I've been on Twitter since it launched and I know what happens when melon—any melon—finds its way into the cultural conversation.

Our universal problem with melons is that nine times out of ten, the melons we're served are underripe trash. We've all gotten used to eating melon tossed in pedestrian fruit salads and pre-cut from packaging like in the photo above, and we all know that the stores selling those containers of fruit do not care about how ripe those melons are. There's no melon cellar for cantaloupes and honeydews to age to perfection. Those things get delivered, hacked up, shoved into their tiny containers, and dumped straight into the produce section. We cannot blame the stores for this, as it's simple economics. If we are eating poor melon, we can only blame ourselves. We all know the risks in buying pre-cut melon, but still, we settle.

I am a person who has been repeatedly disappointed by melon, and yet I refuse to stop believing in it. This is because I have experienced perfect melon before, and if you've also experienced the glory of perfect melon, you'll understand it's essentially perfection, like a flawlessly ripe summer peach. It's a food that nature does so spectacularly that there's not a single way for humankind to improve upon it. You should only make my honeydew salad when you have adequate melons. Perfect melons should be greedily devoured by shoving your face directly into them.

Despite all this, I know a lot of you people want to scream about how much you think melons suck, so have at it in the comments. Melons know we're all stressed out, and they don't mind if we use them to blow off some steam. (Yet another reason that melons are awesome.)