Last Call: How Would A Baguette Move If It Could Move?

Here's a survey. How would a baguette move?

— Dave (@sheepfilms) February 7, 2019

I don't know when a question has both intrigued and horrified me simultaneously like this one has. Dave of @sheepfilms has animated a baguette in four different ways, asking people to vote on which way the baguette would be most likely to move. Your choices are the terrifying worm, the energetic gallop, the stiff rotating robot, and the equally horrifying caterpillar. I don't know why numbers one and four upset me so. It's been a long week I guess. At any rate, I voted for the cheerful gallop, but of the 68,000-some people who have voted already, I am very much in the minority. Most are pointing to the robot, due to the lack of resulting crumbage. I like how seriously everyone is taking this. What would you say? Followup question: What would be an animated food even more terrifying than the baguette? [Gwen Ihnat]

You want to do it. You want to write that scathing Yelp review, that angry Facebook screed. A restaurant has wronged you—the pasta was a mess! The steak, nearly leather! The server, an imbecile! Before you unleash your wrath upon that restaurant, though, read New York Times dining critic Pete Wells' piece about complaining. Essentially, it breaks down the two types of complaints: instrumental and expressive. By understanding the taxonomy of complaints, you can better advocate for restitution. And maybe a free steak. [Kate Bernot]