Last Call: Doughnuts, But Make It Fashion

Even though this year's Halloween celebrations might bear little resemblance to October 31s past, Spirit Halloween—a chain of seasonal stores that shows up like a mysterious apparition each year to sell us and our children overpriced bagged polyester before disappearing in the dead of night—is insistent upon pretending that nothing at all has changed. Of course it is; its survival depends on maintaining and encouraging that imagined reality. And hey, even if you're not planning on hitting up many Halloween parties this year, it might be a good time to take advantage of Spirit sales and coupons and stock up on costumes for your kid to clomp around the house in when they get bored. You can tell them it's Halloween every few days and they'd be more than happy to maintain the fantasy!

You might even be interested in the latest Spirit collaboration with Dunkin', seen in the photo above, which is available for purchase here. I personally wasn't that interested... at least, not at first. But then I realized that history's greatest fashion accessory was hiding in plain sight. I read the details of what the doughnut costume includes, and I can confirm that the doughnut headband in the photo comes with the costume. The doughnut headband is a thing you can purchase, own, and wear anytime you want. Computer, enhance:

Does this headband not scream 2020 to anyone else? Why not wear a chain of doughnuts around your head like it's normal and cool? The fashion world has been turned upside-down anyway. Beauty is just for us now, no one else. I haven't worn mascara in over six months and I haven't had a haircut in nine. You think I won't buy this? So help me god, I'll buy this. When we can move freely about the world once more, you're going to see one big, ridiculous walking novelty strolling out my front door, because life is short, my hair has grown too long, and when it catches the breeze only a plush crown of doughnuts can tame it.