Sorry, Your Old KitchenAid Mixer Is Super Basic

KitchenAid stand mixers, one of the most aspirational cooking appliances and likely the one that appears most frequently on wedding registries, is now customizable. Previously, you could only personalize your multi-hundred-dollar mixer by choosing its color or attachments. Now, you can trick this thing out with custom engraving, 14 bowl options, undercarriage lighting, and a rear spoiler.

Okay, just the first two. But KitchenAid promises the new options—the bowl options and up to 24 characters of engraving—will "reflect your personality as a maker." And truly, who could put a price tag on that? Oh, right, the company. KitchenAid's customization tool will add engraving to the mixer's trim band for free, but the bowls will cost you. The 5-quart ceramic bowls (in patterns including Confetti Sprinkle, Tropical Floral, and Winterberry) run $84.99, bringing the total for a mixer sans attachments to $464.98. Available attachments include a spiralizer, "Slicer/Shredder + Grinder/Sausage Stuffer Attachment Pack" (yee haw), pasta cutters, an ice cream maker, and more.

Most crucially, though, what is the appropriate engraved message to convey "my personality as a maker"? (In less than 24 characters, of course.) I'm thinking "CAKE OR DEATH" or maybe "BACK OFF, ALL THESE COOKIES ARE FOR ME." Wait, too long.