In-N-Out Sends Pun-Filled Cease-And-Desist To Brewery Planning In-N-Stout Beer

San Francisco's Seven Stills Brewery And Distillery likes a good gimmick. They have an imperial red ale that's made with "a shitload of Swedish Fish in the barrel." Another pays tribute to, ah, Twins—the movie, not the baseball team. This whiskey collaboration is calls Four Legs Good and features a pup with angel wings on the bottle, inferring that all dogs might, in fact, go to heaven. So this new beer would certainly have been on brand for the company. Behold, In-N-Stout.

You can actually only have this beer if you happen to be near the brewery at about 4 p.m., in which case you can maybe get it for free and a free burger besides. But you won't get a beer called In-N-Stout in a can like that, because the day after Seven Stills announced this barrel-aged Neapolitan milk stout, In-N-Out hit them with a cease-and-desist letter (per the San Francisco Gate).

We say this with all due sincerity: Whatever lawyer wrote this letter, if you ever get tired of making what we assume is a buttload of money, please let us know, because we think you've got a real future in pun-laced food writing, and that's kind of our thing.

Some highlights:

  • "Based on your use of our marks, we felt obligated to hop to action in order to prevent further issues from brewing."
  • "We hope you appreciate, however, that we are attempting to clearly distill our rights by crafting an amicable approach with you, rather than barrel through this." That's a 3-for-1.
  • "Please contact us as soon as possible, so this does not continue to ferment."
  • Seven Stills co-founder Tim Obert told a CBS affiliate in San Francisco, "I hope I have the same attitude that In-N-Out has had towards it and have a good sense of humor. Because I know that there's no malcontent and we're obviously not trying to go there and sabotage In-N-Out's branding."

    Seven Stills seems to be reveling in the cease-and-desist-iness of it all, and hey, we're writing about it, so the ploy seems to have worked as planned, even if it did require a name and can change. But whatever it's called in the end, the milkshake-inspired beer sounds pretty delicious: Strawberry purée ferments in a chocolate vanilla stout, and is then blended with a barrel-aged coffee porter. It clocks in at a 13.5 percent A.B.V., so those lucky enough to pay the brewery a visit might want to lay down a base first. May we suggest a Double-Double?