Government: Eating Cats And Dogs Bad

Listen up, Americans: We know this will come as a shock, so please listen carefully to the following announcement from your federal government. Eating cats and dogs is wrong. We repeat: Eating cats and dogs is wrong.

I know, this flies in the face of years of governmental pro-pet-eating messages, but Congress would now like you to know that nope, cats and dogs are not for human consumption.

Congress is actually at work on a bill that would outlaw the consumption of dogs and cats, as reported by The Washington Post. The measure isn't aimed at America, though, where The Post finds only four incidents of such behavior have occurred in the past three decades. Instead, the bill is designed to send a message to East Asian countries that the U.S. condemns the sale of dog and cat meat. In some of those nations, the practice is common. The bill would make it a U.S. felony to knowingly buy, sell, or slaughter a dog or cat for human consumption, a crime punishable by a fine or up to one year of jail time.

"Adopting this policy signals that the U.S. will not tolerate this disturbing practice in our country," said Rep. Jeff Denham, R-Calif., the lawmaker who introduced the measure. "It demonstrates our unity with other nations that have banned dog and cat meat, and it bolsters existing international efforts to crack down on the practice worldwide."

So, let's recap: Dog and cat meat bad. Carry on, America.