Funfetti Debuts New Ice Cream, Continues Plot To Take Over World

Over the past year or so, a quiet plot to achieve world domination has been taking place under our very noses. While we breathlessly followed each new development in the chicken sandwich wars and speculated wildly over which beloved menu item Taco Bell would banish next, Pillsbury Funfetti was quietly and methodically invading every sector of the baking aisle. Not content with cake mix alone, Funfetti took a stab at frosting. Then brownies and cookies and Pop-Tarts. Then Halloween slime. Then, in an ambitious crossover, Nestle Toll House morsels. Then it leaped the bounds of baking altogether and slipped into pancake mix and cereal. And now it has marched into the freezer aisle! Yes, my fellow Americans, even our ice cream is not immune to little colorful bits of sugar. Funfetti Ice Cream makes its official debut next month, Taste of Home reports, but it's already been leaked early on Instacart. PopSugar adds that it comes in a 48-ounce carton or packages of 10 individual cups.

The ice cream, manufactured by Edy's/Dreyer's, is described on the carton as "Funfetti light ice cream with rainbow sprinkles and a cake crunch swirl." In the world of Funfetti, "light" means "white cake," not low calorie. See? It's even changing the language!

The most logical guess is that chocolate ice cream will be the next product Funfetti aims to conquer. But what will come after that? Yogurt? Will it branch out into the world of savory snacks? Funfetti Doritos would be kind of neat, I think. Perhaps something could be done with Lunchables? Or maybe Funfetti will come in little shakers and we can just sprinkle it on our chicken and steaks and broccoli like salt. Why should only dessert and breakfast be festive? Let's celebrate every meal!