FDA To Idiot Teens: Snorting Chocolate Is Bad

Impressionable teens will do plenty of dumb stuff for a rush: choke themselves, huff glue, play Pokemon Go. Apparently we can add "snort chocolate" to the list.

The FDA today issued a warning to Coco Loko, a brand of snortable chocolate powder that the agency says is "intended to be used as alternatives to illicit street drugs and that the products, as labeled and marketed, may pose safety concerns." Senator Chuck Schumer in July asked the FDA to look into these powders, which he said are being marketed like drugs even though they have no health value.

Wait is this... a thing? I feel old, and like maybe I should hide the Swiss Miss packets when the neighbor boy comes over to mow the lawn. Snortable chocolate powder is no laughing matter, warns the FDA.

"Encouraging the use of snortable chocolate as an alternative to illegal street drugs is not acceptable–there are very real consequences to snorting any powder, not to mention the societal dangers of promoting drug abuse," says FDA Commissioner Scott Gottlieb, M.D. in the warning.

The Coco Loko powder, in addition to mimicking real drugs, may cause spasms of the vocal cords, tightening of breathing airways, and could induce or exacerbate asthma, according to the FDA. Regulators ask that makers of Coco Loko respond to their concerns within 15 days or risk injunction of their product.

The FDA today also issued a warning to Legal Lean LLC, makers of Legal Lean Syrup, a beverage meant to mimic the codeine-laced concoction lean (a.k.a. purple drank, a.k.a. sizzurp, ya olds). Legal Lean is said to contain doxylamine without declaring that on the label; doxylamine may harmfully interact with some medications as well as alcohol.

Is it possible to feel nostalgic for the times when we just sniffed scented markers and spun around baseball bats to get dizzy? D.A.R.E. scared that shit right out of me.