Sad Adult Men Afraid To Eat Dessert In Front Of Mean Coworker

Manchester United players are forgoing sweets to avoid the scorn of newcomer Cristiano Ronaldo.

I can't imagine anything worse than being afraid to eat around your coworkers. All my coworkers do is talk about eating. We correspond between snacks, discuss weekend cooking plans with zeal, and rank candies with the utmost vigor. Unfortunately, that's not the case for England's Manchester United soccer club: players are reportedly afraid to eat desserts in front of their new, highly disciplined teammate, Cristiano Ronaldo.


Goalkeeper Lee Grant spilled the (uneaten) beans in an interview with TalkSPORT. "Usually on a Friday night you've got a few cheat [foods] out," Grant said. "You've got some apple crumble or you've got a bit of brownie and cream or what not." Well, per Grant, not a single player went up for desserts during a recent hotel dinner. "Everybody was sat down and one of the lads said to me, 'what has Cristiano got on his plate?' So we were having a little [look] at what he has got and obviously it is the cleanest, most healthy plate you can imagine."

Per Insider, 36-year-old Ronaldo follows a highly disciplined diet plan to support his efforts on the field. As the highest scorer in soccer history, Ronaldo typically sticks with ham and cheese, yogurt, avocado toast, and plenty of protein and veggies. He also doesn't drink alcohol or fizzy drinks. (It's worth noting that Insider tried to follow Ronaldo's diet earlier this year, calling it "unaffordable, boring, and extremely time consuming.")


This makes me sad! I am sad for these grown men who are afraid to indulge around their new teammate! As world-class athletes, I'm sure these dudes can enjoy a dessert or two without compromising on the field. That being said, Ronaldo's intense stare would probably be enough to put me off my nightly bowl of Special K Chocolatey Delight. Hope it's worth it, boys.