What Mayonnaise Joins, Let No Man Tear Asunder
Has there ever been a condiment that embodies true love quite like mayonnaise? Oil and water are both liquids, and yet, they cannot come together in beautiful, creamy union without an emulsifier (like egg yolks) and hard work (like vigorous whisking). Similarly, people are 60% water, but not all people can be joined as two parts of one glorious whole without the emulsifier of love, and the hard work of, uh... sexy vigorous whisking? Like mayo holds a sandwich together, so the sacrament of marriage holds two souls together in wedded bliss. (Yes, this metaphor works.)
On that note, The Takeout extends the warmest of wishes to Marissa Helms and David Mayo, who were emulsified in love on October 24 in Hendersonville, North Carolina. At some point the couple, who met in 2015, figured out that their last names evoked the smooth, creamy taste of Hellmann's mayonnaise, which is exactly the sort of thing that lets you know fate is intervening. While planning their wedding, Helms and Mayo wrote to Hellmann's the share the good news, perhaps hoping to receive the eternal blessing of Hellmanndias, god of mayonnaise and mayo-based condiments. They were blessed with a Hellmann's-inspired wedding cake from local bakery Gateaux, matching his-and-hers jackets, and a year's supply of mayonnaise, which I'm assuming is roughly 642 jars. Congrats to the happy couple!