'Chicken-Nugget Connoisseur' Is The Dream Job We Never Knew We Always Wanted

I regret to inform you, dear Takeout readers, that effective today I am abandoning my writing career to pursue my true calling: chicken-nugget taste-tester.

No doubt the competition for this illustrious (if temporary) position, recently listed by British retailer B&M, will be fierce. But I know I have the qualifications, the sodium tolerance, and the emotional fortitude this job requires.

The supermarket chain says the gig will help its store expand their range of fresh and frozen foods; compensation comes in the form of monthly £25 (about $34) vouchers to spend on foods in B&M stores. Think of the chicken nuggets one could purchase with $34.

Of course, there are criteria. Not just anyone can waltz in to such a role. Qualifications listed on the job site include but are not limited to:

  • Getting the 20 share box of nuggets from McDonalds and keeping them all for yourself [Check]
  • Being the first in the office kitchen whenever someone says there's cake [Double check]
  • Going to an event or party because there is free food [Is there any other reason?]
  • If you, too, think you have the stuff to become B&M's next chicken-nugget connoisseur and are totally willing to move to England for $34 a month, go ahead and apply. I welcome the friendly competition.