Bottom-Friendly Foods For Pride, According To Postmates

There's nothing subtle about the latest round of rainbow capitalism.

Pride marketing campaigns seem to be increasingly focused on tops and bottoms this year. There was, of course, Burger King Austria's promotion for sandwiches with two top buns and two bottom buns, though the brand claims that was meant to signify equality, not a sexual preference. And now Postmates has debuted a "Bottom-Friendly Menu" on the app. For better or worse, the food delivery service knows exactly what it's doing.

What is Postmates’ Bottom-Friendly Menu?

For those who don't know what a bottom is or why a bottom might desire a special menu, first of all, you need to hang out with more queer people. But long story short, it's common for those who are bottoming in a sexual relationship to avoid eating before the act in order to prevent digestive issues from causing a very unsexy bodily function. Postmates offers some colorful illustrations, using anthropomorphic eggplants and peaches to signify tops and bottoms (subtle), in its social media video for the campaign:

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As with many Pride-focused campaigns, this one is getting majorly dunked on all across the internet. Comedian John Early, for example, quote tweeted the video saying "joining westboro baptist church." @BlackLanterrn tweeted "I liked it better when capitalism was homophobic." Many people commented on how the video reinforced stereotypes about tops and bottoms in the gay community. Meanwhile drag queen the Vixen simply said "Honestly, Werk."

The campaign, voiced by YouTuber Rob Anderson, was supposedly created in partnership with Bespoke Surgical founder and CEO Evan Goldstein, who provides the science behind the menu choices, and according to Out, this was in fact the brainchild of a group of LGBTQ Postmates employees. That detail plus a hefty donation from Postmates to The Okra Project, a food collective focused on supporting Black trans communities, makes the whole thing a little less cringe.

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What foods are the most “bottom-friendly”?

The menu itself is only available for Postmates users in New York and Los Angeles, and if you're in those cities and head to the menu you'll see restaurants like Betnic, Prince St. Pizza, Dialog Cafe, and H2O Sushi. Not all the items on each restaurant's menu necessarily scream "pristine butthole"—though the campaign video itself really harps on sushi as being a good option.

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Even if the menu itself isn't super helpful, there are some scientific tidbits to be learned, no matter which position you're in. Insoluble fiber, for instance, can make you feel full, bloated, and stopped up, so downing whole grains, potatoes, and legumes before hooking up may not be the best bet. And lactose can cause all sorts of digestive problems, so you may want to avoid chugging a milkshake, too.

So now that you know what to avoid, what are the best foods to dig into? Soluble fibers and protein—things like fish, peas, citrus, white rice, and nuts—are much more digestible and will leave your stomach more settled.

But at the end of the day, Pride is about doing whatever the hell you want with your life. This month and every month, that includes eating whatever you want, whenever you want, sexual prospects be damned.

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