Biscoffs Are Back, Baby, And You Have The Takeout To Thank [Updated]

Update; February 28, 2020: The Biscoffs are back, baby! A United Airlines told Eater that change is merely "a periodic snack rotation throughout the year" (likely story), and will be putting our beloved Biscoffs back on its planes starting in May. This is no doubt happening because the bigwigs at United read my initial piece on this scandal last week and found my argument compelling and, let's face it, 100% correct. You're welcome, everybody!

Original post; February 19, 2020: The only enjoyable part of air travel is getting a complimentary package of Biscoff cookies on the plane. Everybody knows this, except for, apparently, the monsters over at United Airlines, because they are getting rid of the Biscoff cookies! USA Today reports that the beloved Biscoffs are soon going the way of sexy uniforms and leg room and will be replaced by individual packages of Oreo Thins.

While we have nothing against Oreo Thins (they are a particularly excellent cookie), they are a cookie meant for eating on land. Biscoff is the official cookie of the sky, just like peanuts were the official legume of the sky before everyone suddenly started developing life-threatening allergies. If you need further proof of this probably scientific fact, try feeding a Biscoff cookie to a bird. They freaking love them. Do they love Oreo Thins, too? Yes, but you can tell by staring into their beady little eyes they don't love them nearly as much.