Americans Would Rather Go Celibate Than Wash Dishes

A semi-dubious study claims that Americans would forego sex for a year to avoid washing dishes.

I don't mind washing the dishes. Gives me an excuse to watch trash TV on my tiny laptop screen while I'm elbow-deep in suds. But a new study found that Americans are largely weary of the choreā€”so weary that they'd give up S-E-X for an entire year in exchange for a lifetime free from dishwashing.

The study, sent to The Takeout via press release, surveyed 1,014 "nationally representative" Americans ages 18 and up earlier this month. It's unclear exactly how the researchers determined which participants were "nationally representative;" however, the study does note that "the chances are 95 in 100 that a survey result does not vary, plus or minus, by more than 3.1 percent, from the result that would be obtained if interviews had been conducted with all personas in the universe represented by the sample." Got that? Great.

The study focused on the dishwashing habits of average Americans and found that, of the nearly 227 million Americans who regularly wash dishes, most people spend an average of 25 minutes each day at the kitchen sink across all their meals. Per the study, that equates to more than six days spent washing dishes each year. That makes sense considering the fact that around 41% of Americans use six or more tools to prepare each meal. Lotta dishes, lotta dishwashing time.

The study also found that dishwashing spurs a bit of conflict, with one in three respondents admitting that they fight with family over dishwashing on a daily basis. With that in mind, the study found that a significant portion of "dishwashing Americans" are willing to sacrifice something or do something undesirable to never have to wash the dishes again. One in five of those respondents said they'd give up sex for one whole year in exchange for a lifetime free of doing the dishes. One entire year of celibacy! Extremely Eat Pray Love behavior.

As with any survey delivered via press release, this one comes with a catch. This data comes courtesy of microwave meals company Birds Eye, which partnered with a market research agency to conduct the study. And, wouldn't you know it, the study comes just in time for the release of Birds Eye's new Sheet Pan Meals. Microwavable sheet pan meals = no dishwashing = no need to give up your carnal urges. Clever, clever. The survey leaves just one question unanswered: how many average Americans can wash the dishes while having sex? Please do not comment if you are one of them.