7-Eleven's New Delivery App Promises Salvation For Freaked-Out Stoners

It's 4 a.m. You've just finished listening to Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music for the 8th time straight. You're paranoid. Your neighbors next door are going to call the cops on you. It feels like 1,000 spiders are crawling on your skin. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

You don't want to leave the apartment. You can't run into "Avenue Q" Sam. Not tonight. He's been asking for payment. You say, "I need till the end of the week, man!" but that was two weeks ago. Sam is pissed now. You do not want to run into a pissed-off Sam.

You stare into your hands. They are trembling. Your stomach aches. It's burning a hole in itself. Your mouth feels like sandpaper. You're a real fuck-up, you tell yourself. The low hum of the city sounds like a hundred screaming demons between your ears.

Chin up, though! 7-Eleven has launched a mobile app called 7Now, available for residents in Washington, D.C., Dallas, and now, New York City. It delivers Slurpees, Pepto-Bismol, condoms, Big Bite hot dogs, Monterey Jack taquitos, all straight to your front door, without you having to leave your apartment. Without running into a pissed-off Sam. Without facing the outside world and feeling like a goddamn disgrace.