Salt Bae Got The SNL Treatment—but It Was Cut For Time

It's been more than four years since Salt Bae became an international superstar, yet despite having the sort of schtick that reads more "improv character" than "actual human being," he has somehow never been lampooned on Saturday Night Live until this past weekend—or at least he was meant to be. Alas, the hilarious SNL sketch about the Instagram phenomenon, king of core strength, bachelor father of 13, and victor of a pull-up contest with Dr. Oz was cut for time, while some needlessly repetitive sketches made it to air. Thankfully SNL posts its cut-for-time sketches on YouTube so we can still experience the thrill of Beck Bennett and Mikey Day on either end of a gold-plated tomahawk ribeye. Enjoy:

Even though I'm a jeans-and-T-shirt kinda gal with a severe allergy to douchebaggery, I think I might actually love so have Salt Bae dangle a piece of steak above my mouth? It's one of those stories I could tell my grandchildren, and when they say "Nana, who's Salt Bae?" I can gather those precious darlings round and regale them with tales of his superspreader meat-stravaganzas and altercations with Floridians, or the time I spent three hours searching through his Instagram videos in slow motion to see if I could catch a glimpse under his bathrobe for journalism. As magnificent as a juicy, tender ribeye is, its pleasures are fleeting. But Salt Bae? Well, Salt Bae is forever.