Last Call: Here Is A Poem Inspired By Ina Garten

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By  Aimee Levitt

Ina Garten is not just a barefoot contessa, she is also a kitchen goddess, full of ancient wisdom which she sometimes bestows on mere mortals. The other day, Maria Yagoda, the restaurant editor of Food & Wine, published a blog post summarizing the most important things she has learned from Ina. These include "Freeze your bread in chunks," "Make two cakes at one time," and "Store-bought is fine." The list inspired one reader named Mary to write a poem called "ina garten," which she shared with Yagoda via email and which Yagoda shared with the rest of us via Twitter.

Here is the whole poem. It is truly lovely.

We butchered our own chickens growing up

and my mother said never buychicken over 3 1/2 pounds. Ideally, it should bearound 3 pounds. Mymother once said all the chickens now look likethey have boob jobs.

I only make one cake and unless you've got likesix people in yourfamily nobody should be eating a whole cakeanymore, especially at myage, so I actually only make one and split it andmy friends knowthey're getting half a cake. They don't mind.

I like to try something new when I havecompany over because I willSplurge. That being said, I usually have people overthat are close tome and they don't care if I screw up. If I didn't knowthe people that wellI would do a tried and true.

Yes store-bought is fine occasionally, but mostof us can only getPepperidge Farm puff and I am not thatfond of it. It doesn'thave any butter. WTF? It would take me anhour and a half to twohours to get to Trader Joe's on I-4 which hasbeen undergoingconstruction since 2001 with no end in sightand is considered themost dangerous highway in the United States. Itry to avoid this road.When I lived in California, the French bakerywould sell puff pastrydough by the pound... I loved those people.There is a special place inheaven for those people.

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