People Who Like Spicy Food Have More Sex, Declares Hot Sauce Company

"Spicy" is a synonym for likes-to-do-fun-stuff-in-the-bedroom, according to creepily winking old men and hot sauce companies. A new survey conducted by OnePoll on behalf of El Yucateco hot sauce concluded that "heat on the plate can mean more heat in the bedroom." (An unrelated survey, conducted by me, found that reading obvious spice puns is correlated with eye-roll-derived soreness.)

The survey polled 2,000 Americans and found those who listed their spice preference as "hot" report having almost twice as much sex as those who say they don't like any spice on their food: 5.3 times per month compared to 3.2 times per month. Before you beat me to it, commenters: Correlation is not causation! Correlation is not causation! (You must picture me screaming this from atop a horse like Paul Revere.)

With that in mind, the survey also found that people who profess a preference for spice are also more likely to enjoy roller coasters, loud music, and driving fast on winding roads. But here's where the self-reporting factor comes in: Aren't people who think they like spicy foods more likely to think they're adventurous? Unless survey-takers are in the car with these people—or worse, in the bedroom with them—then these findings are all based on how respondents see themselves. Sure, I drive fast and have lots of sex, thinks some random guy who cried when he tried mapo tofu.

Maybe I'm being unfairly skeptical of this survey, and people who pile on the chiles really do like to swing from the rafters afterwards. I'm just wary of the Hot Sauce Agenda that's clearly delighting in this survey's results. And on a semi-related note (food and spice and sex, stay with me): When did "vanilla" become a pejorative term for boring-in-bed? Real vanilla bean is a delightful, piquant little flavor and it's regrettable that it's associated with the Maude Flanders of the world.