Last Call: Geez Lady, Millennials Didn't Kill Mayonnaise

I know, the mayonnaise lady is likely eager for attention and here I am giving it to her. But like many people, I got steamed up reading Sandy Hingston's article "How Millennials Killed Mayonnaise" on She bases this assumption on the fact that her younger relatives have been bypassing her macaroni and chicken salad at family picnics. Maybe they just don't want mayo-based dishes that have been sitting out in the sun! (This may be my least favorite part of the whole thing: "My son Jake, who's 25, eats mayo. He's a practical young man who works in computers and adores macaroni salad. He's a good son. I also have a daughter. She was a women's and gender studies major in college. Naturally, she loathes mayonnaise." Naturally? How does that follow? Also, way to stoke sibling rivalry based on your kids' condiment preferences, like that's important at all.)

This year I received a whole box of mayonnaise from Heinz's new release: Why would they be investing in a new product if mayonnaise was in fact over? Or combining ketchup and mayonnaise into something called Mayochup? In fact, I think millennial creativity has pushed us into even more delicious forms of mayonnaise, like sriracha. Garlic. Herb. Lime. In conclusion: Despite this article, mayonnaise lovers don't have anything to worry about. Sorry, mayonnaise lady.